For my sisters:

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek Him to find her."

Oh Lord, help me to be that woman. Help me to not jump without looking. Help me to seek You in ever choice I make.

I was listening to a song by Barlow Girl yesterday. The first verse in the song that was like a punch in the stomach:

"Oh, tragedy has taken so many
Love lost cuz they all forgot who You are
And it scares me to think, that I would choose my life over you
Oh my selfish heart, divides me from you. It tears us apart."

I have made choices over and over again that tear me apart from God. As I hook myself in closer with Him, I find it easier to resist the temptations that draw me away from Him. However, I fear that I will do it again. I probably will. I am human and weak after all. It's easier, not easy. However, I'm a bit stronger now because I've learned that I need my friends to keep me accountable. I haven't allowed that in the past. I've lived my life hiding my weaknesses, hoping no one will know. (Ha, I've also learned, I wasn't hiding a THING!) I've learned that by hiding, I simply allow myself to make bad choices.

I have learned that I can't do it alone.
I need friendships with women who are hooked into God to throw up red flags,
to give gentle reminders of truth and wisdom,
and if that doesn't work, to grab my face and turn it back toward God!

I know that all of you have tried, and I love you for it. Thank you for your unending patience and acceptance. You have been the best friends a girl could ask for. I am so blessed to have such amazing women in my life.

I hope that I can do the same for you. Ladies, it is together that we can overcome obstacles in our lives. He designed us for fellowship. He didn't ask us to do it alone. Yes, of course, we need to live out life walking with God, but we need to walk with other Christians as well. So, I'm going to work on honesty and openness with my friends. There is fear in this for me. But, I know it's worth it. :)

Love you ladies!

Kelly

Romance with a Savior

I ended 2009 by reading the Twilight Saga. It awakened in me a deep rooted desire, a desire for romance in my life. It has always been there, but I shrug it off every day and try to go about my daily life, afraid to think of it for too long, for it might pull me under and I might never leave the state of depression awaiting me there. I spent a few weeks in that depression while reading the books and for a while after. I know in my head that the romance in those books are nothing compared to the romance of real life, but my heart longs for it regardless.

I picked up a book a few months ago called, "Settling for Less than God's Best?" I started reading in the other day, and it revealed to me some truth I'd heard before. I can have a perfect romance...with my Savior. Which is funny, because after reading the Twilight Saga, I remember thinking, "No man on Earth can love the way Edward does...well, except for Jesus." But I've always shrugged off this idea too. Isn't he my "Father." That's weird. Besides, He doesn't have real arms to hold me, or real hands to brush my cheek...or does He? But truly, Jesus is the only one who can love me the way I long to be loved. He is the only one who will love me despite my shortcomings, despite my constant rejection of Him, despite my wickedness and shameful displays. So, because He loves me, and I long so much for that deep, meaningful, never-ending perfect love, I have made a decision. I will dive-in, head first into that love, and will do my best to make Jesus my first love.

Jesus, I pray that you give me a heart after your heart. Give me a passion for you so strong that no earthly man will be able to shake it. So that when my earthly husband shows up in my life, I'll be able to hold on tight to you and make the choices you would have me make. Guide me in the areas of my life that need healing and pruning. Give me the strength to come to you instead of run away when I fail. Give me a love so strong for you that I brag about you everywhere I go. I love you Jesus. Thank you for loving me first.