I ended 2009 by reading the Twilight Saga. It awakened in me a deep rooted desire, a desire for romance in my life. It has always been there, but I shrug it off every day and try to go about my daily life, afraid to think of it for too long, for it might pull me under and I might never leave the state of depression awaiting me there. I spent a few weeks in that depression while reading the books and for a while after. I know in my head that the romance in those books are nothing compared to the romance of real life, but my heart longs for it regardless.
I picked up a book a few months ago called, "Settling for Less than God's Best?" I started reading in the other day, and it revealed to me some truth I'd heard before. I can have a perfect romance...with my Savior. Which is funny, because after reading the Twilight Saga, I remember thinking, "No man on Earth can love the way Edward does...well, except for Jesus." But I've always shrugged off this idea too. Isn't he my "Father." That's weird. Besides, He doesn't have real arms to hold me, or real hands to brush my cheek...or does He? But truly, Jesus is the only one who can love me the way I long to be loved. He is the only one who will love me despite my shortcomings, despite my constant rejection of Him, despite my wickedness and shameful displays. So, because He loves me, and I long so much for that deep, meaningful, never-ending perfect love, I have made a decision. I will dive-in, head first into that love, and will do my best to make Jesus my first love.
Jesus, I pray that you give me a heart after your heart. Give me a passion for you so strong that no earthly man will be able to shake it. So that when my earthly husband shows up in my life, I'll be able to hold on tight to you and make the choices you would have me make. Guide me in the areas of my life that need healing and pruning. Give me the strength to come to you instead of run away when I fail. Give me a love so strong for you that I brag about you everywhere I go. I love you Jesus. Thank you for loving me first.
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This morning we sang "Only You" in church. It was a confirmation.
ReplyDeleteNo one but You Lord
Can satisfy the longing in my heart
Nothing I do Lord
Can take the place of drawing near to You
Only You can fill my deepest longing
Only You can breathe in me new life
Only You can fill my heart with laughter
Only You can answer my heart’s cry
Father, I love You
Come satisfy the longing in my heart
Fill me, overwhelm me
Until I know Your love deep in my heart