I've never been so sad in all my life. There are so many reasons. I don't think I could list them all and get them all out without sounding ridiculous. Then, I think, maybe it is ridiculous. My life isn't so bad. But, then why am I so miserable? I try to choose to be happy...what a load of crap that is. I feel like I did everything backwards and I've just never fit in. I finally have a place of my own where people can hang out, but no one wants to come. When people wanted to come, I didn't have a place to offer them. Everyone...quite literally...EVERYONE around me is having babies...I don't even have a boyfriend. I'm fat. I'm constantly tired. I don't have time to do anything I want to do, and even if I did, I wouldn't have anyone to do it with. My house is in desperate need of help. It looks like a refugee camp, not a home. It's my home. I want it to be beautiful. I want people to want to be here; to be comfortable; to be welcome.

loneliness

Loneliness

it happens to all of us

I'm so tired of feeling this way

I know I'm not the only one

I know others have it worse

I'm just so tired of going it alone.

I don't want to feel this way anymore.

Like I have no help.

Like no one cares.

Like I have no one to help carry the load.

My load is heavy,

it may not be as heavy as yours,

but I'm not as strong as I pretend to be.

Just because you're struggling, doesn't mean I'm not struggling too.

I just wish someone could help

Someone could listen

Someone could hug me while I cried a while....

Just to have that connection

With someone...

but

not just anyone

I want it so badly.

I don't want to spend my youth alone

I want to enjoy it

This is the time when I'm supposed to really be living

Playing

Exploring

Loving

Embracing

Desiring

but...I spend it alone.

I've never felt so

alone