I've never been so sad in all my life. There are so many reasons. I don't think I could list them all and get them all out without sounding ridiculous. Then, I think, maybe it is ridiculous. My life isn't so bad. But, then why am I so miserable? I try to choose to be happy...what a load of crap that is. I feel like I did everything backwards and I've just never fit in. I finally have a place of my own where people can hang out, but no one wants to come. When people wanted to come, I didn't have a place to offer them. Everyone...quite literally...EVERYONE around me is having babies...I don't even have a boyfriend. I'm fat. I'm constantly tired. I don't have time to do anything I want to do, and even if I did, I wouldn't have anyone to do it with. My house is in desperate need of help. It looks like a refugee camp, not a home. It's my home. I want it to be beautiful. I want people to want to be here; to be comfortable; to be welcome.