My Weight Loss Journey

It's been a while since I've written, but I think it's time to start again.  I have been working hard to lose weight, only to continue to gain.  I was working out like a fiend and had discouraging results.  I was doing boot camp classes and Zumba at the same time, while counting calories, and nothing was working. So, I've gone extreme.  I went to my doctor thinking I'd like to do the juice fast from "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" (a fabulous documentary everyone should watch) and my doctor sent me to a nutrition class instead.  At the class I learned that my insurance covered Optifast: an 800 calorie diet plan that lasts 12 weeks then transitions for 4 back to regular food.  I'm on day 3 and found myself crying for no reason.  I was feeling lonely, like this plan had cut me off from my social life.  I'm skipping a baby shower tomorrow because I know I'm not ready to face that kind of temptation.  All of my friends will be there, but I'll be home...probably babysitting.  I'm not complaining, it's my own fault.  I'm the one who let it get this far.  I stress eat.  I've been depressed for a long time and have anxiety as well (which I'm being treated for), and the weight just kept coming on and I didn't fight hard enough.  Now I'm paying the price.  I have 110 lbs to lose AT LEAST, and I just can't wrap my head around that.  I don't feel that big.  I see pictures though...and boy does that set me straight.  So, I'm going to blog about my weight loss journey: the good, the bad, and the oh so ugly.  I hope it will inspire someone to get healthy themselves.

At my first session with Optifast they asked us to journal about how we see ourselves at the end of the 12 weeks, not just physically, but the whole package.

I see...

A girl who can tie her shoes
A girl who can walk without wheezing
A girl who can bend over without wheezing
A girl who's not a slave to her cravings
A girl who's learned self control
A girl who will take much better care of herself
A girl who inspires others to take that first step
A girl who's learned that slip ups aren't failures, they're part of being human, and they certainly aren't an            
            excuse to go off the reservation and eat everything in sight
A girl who understands the difference between everyday food and sometimes food
A girl who can manage the sometimes foods in a way that allows for her social life to continue to
             flourish while still maintaining a healthy weight
A girl who's learned how strong she really is
A girl who's met a goal
A girl who can shop at any store, not just the ones for "people of size"
A girl who is confident
A girl who is ready to meet that special someone (however, I may do 2 rounds, so dating might be
              awkward until I finish that)
A girl who doesn't hate herself anymore
A girl who can be a better mom to her pup because she'll be able to run and play
A girl who has energy to do things

Sounds like a lot, but I'm in this for the long haul. This isn't a quick fix for me, it's a part of changing my behavior.

The Dreaded BEFORES- Say bye bye!