New Years List 2010

2010

I’m thankful for: (in no particular order)

• a home of my own! It was a long road, but God blessed me. I’d love to tell you the full story. Just ask me.
• a wonderful dog
• new friends
• reconnecting with old friends
• Lots of friends having babies
• New beginnings
• Second chances
• God’s forgiveness ☺
• God’s provision!!
• The fact that I have so much to do all the time that I’m constantly exhausted. I’d like sleep, but I can’t complain that I have
so many people to see and be with that I never have a moment’s rest. ☺ I love them too.
• My dad survived a heart attack and took it seriously. He’s lost so much weight. ☺
• My mom’s support. She’s been such a huge support this year.
• Did I mention my dog? ☺
• My own kitchen…even though it’s the size of a closet..it’s still mine
• A job that pays for it all and provides me with a sense of purpose..most of the time! LOL
• Opportunities to sing!!!


2011

What I’d like to be thankful for:

o A fiancée? Is that too grand?
o New flooring
o A “window” in my kitchen
o New paint
o New patio
o A real vacation...Spain anyone?
o A CGC certified dog. ☺
o Finding a way to be pleasing and pleasant while still sticking up for myself
o Finding a way to stick up for myself without going overboard, and without bottling it waiting until I’m so frustrated that I
blow.
o Finding a way to manage my time so I can do my job well, be a good mom to Lilly, have time for me, and time for my
friends and family.
o More opportunities to sing. ☺
o That I learned to play guitar. ☺

note to self: apply brakes often

I learned a lot in the past couple of years. I mean, I always knew this, but I've really seen the value in this particular lesson: Apply the brakes often. Stop and check and see if what you are doing is aligned with your long term goals. If it's not, stop! Sounds simple, right? Yeah, I wish it was that easy too. Sometimes it's really hard to stop. Once you've started something, there are other people involved, so stopping often involves letting someone else down, or even hurting them. I find that very difficult to do, so sometimes I end up doing things that I don't want to do...

or let's be frank.

I often end up spending far too much time with the wrong guys because I don't want to hurt them. They're usually really nice guys too, which leaves me feeling shallow, or mean...but I can't force myself to feel something I don't. This has made dating really hard for me. I often just push guys away before I really get to know them because I'm afraid of getting in too deep and not being able to say something when it's not working out. Are there classes for that? HAHA! That's really something we should teach in Jr. High...

This applies at work too. I often get wrapped up in projects that I really don't care about, or have little experience in...but I don't want to look "stupid" or look like I'm not a "team player," so I do it. I kill myself doing it because it takes far more effort to do things you know or care little about and do them well. Since I certainly don't want to appear as if I don't know what I'm doing, I work my butt off to get it done. In the meantime, the things I'd really like to be doing, and can do well, take a back burner, and end up not coming out as great as I'd envisioned them.

So...apply

brakes

often.

Next, learn how to say no! :)

How to get a dog

"I wouldn't have it any other way!"

How I did it: It's been an adventure and a half!  Woah!  Puppy raising is like having a baby!  It's a lot of work, but totally worth it.  My friend's dog had puppies, and I fell in love with the runt.  I wanted to get a rescue from a pound, but since she's a pit bull...she would have eventually been a rescue anyway.  She's incredibly hyper and a nut, so I'm sure she would have been given up at some point.  I even thought about it a time or two, but only for a second, and I always came back to the fact that I just love my little girl. :)  

Lessons & tips: Dog training.  Dog training. Dog training.  

Resources: PetCo

It took me 12 weeks.

It made me

See more progress on: Get a dog

How to buy a House

"God ordained!"

How I did it: I lost my job while in escrow on my first house.  So I stopped the entire process altogether.  I was frustrated because I'd prayed so hard before beginning the journey to make sure it was a part of God's plan for my life before I even began.  See, I've learned that when I try to make things happen that aren't in His plan, I go through a lot of frustration and disappointment for no reason...

Anyway, I kept praying and I really felt like this was still in His plan for my life.  And lo, and behold, when I thought my job as an educator had no future in California, He brought me to another school in my district (teaching 8th Grade English instead of 3rd grade), not only do I love it, I have made a ton of great friends, my job is more secure than ever, and I found a great house just 10 minutes away.  He then brought me the sweetest little dog ever, so I wouldn't have to do it alone. :)  I love Him and am forever grateful for the blessings I received.  Can I get an Amen?  :)

Lessons & tips: Just look, look, look.  Don't get discouraged, and don't settle.  I wish I'd held out for a bigger kitchen, but I was tired of looking, and was running out of time for the first time homebuyers tax credit.  In the long run though, I think I will hold out next time.  Also, I didn't want to pay closing costs and I lost out on a few great places because of it...and in the end, I had to pay them...So, I'd say, if you have it, don't ask the seller to pay them.  You'll get a better deal if you pay them yourself.  Also, you won't get any of the bank owned properties asking for closing costs.  

Resources: My realtor, Pat Sargent.  She's the mother of my oldest friend.  I've known her for 25 years.  She's incredibly patient and looks out for what you really want in a home. She's all about you, and not about the sale.  Let me know if you want her info. :)

It took me 2 years.

It made me

See more progress on: Buy a house

What happened to our leaders?

I've decided why Edward Cullen is so attractive to so many women. I think it's because he's always the one forcing Bella to do the right thing. He watches out for her moral center, her honor, her well being: emotionally, physically, mentally, etc. He weights out the pros and cons, and determines the best course of action. He doesn't act on raw emotion, but rather considers the consequences of his actions. That's the way it was meant to be. The man as the leader. I think we (women) innately want that. We want the man to be in control, to be able to trust him in the decisions he makes. He should be the one guiding us and protecting us. Edward protects Bella physically, but he also works to protect her honor, her feelings, all of her. We've lost this in our society. Women have become the ones who have to say no, stop, it's too far, too much...why? What has happened to the men? It isn't our job, yet we've been forced into that role. We're not effective here...We have a different role to fulfill, and we're taking on too much. I don't want a man I constantly have to say no to. I want him to say no. I want him to be in charge of what's wrong and what's right. I want to trust him with all of me. That's how it is meant to be.

disappointed

I am very disappointed in my behavior lately: letting myself jump into things without thinking; letting my mouth run without a filter; allowing "little" things to slide, and then they end up creating big problems. This isn't the me I want to be. This isn't the girl I want people to think of when they think of me. I have not been presenting myself well. The bummer part is, I've been presenting this girl to new people in my life. My old friends would say, "Hey, what's up with you?" But, these new friends don't know better. They think I AM this girl. I have some damage control to do...

I'm going to start now. I'm going to pick up the book I was reading, leave the TV off, do some reflection, and spend time with the One who can change me, mold me, and make me new. :) The One who won't judge me for being a moron. The One who will love me still. The One who will forgive me for acting like a fool. :) I <3 Him.

For my sisters:

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek Him to find her."

Oh Lord, help me to be that woman. Help me to not jump without looking. Help me to seek You in ever choice I make.

I was listening to a song by Barlow Girl yesterday. The first verse in the song that was like a punch in the stomach:

"Oh, tragedy has taken so many
Love lost cuz they all forgot who You are
And it scares me to think, that I would choose my life over you
Oh my selfish heart, divides me from you. It tears us apart."

I have made choices over and over again that tear me apart from God. As I hook myself in closer with Him, I find it easier to resist the temptations that draw me away from Him. However, I fear that I will do it again. I probably will. I am human and weak after all. It's easier, not easy. However, I'm a bit stronger now because I've learned that I need my friends to keep me accountable. I haven't allowed that in the past. I've lived my life hiding my weaknesses, hoping no one will know. (Ha, I've also learned, I wasn't hiding a THING!) I've learned that by hiding, I simply allow myself to make bad choices.

I have learned that I can't do it alone.
I need friendships with women who are hooked into God to throw up red flags,
to give gentle reminders of truth and wisdom,
and if that doesn't work, to grab my face and turn it back toward God!

I know that all of you have tried, and I love you for it. Thank you for your unending patience and acceptance. You have been the best friends a girl could ask for. I am so blessed to have such amazing women in my life.

I hope that I can do the same for you. Ladies, it is together that we can overcome obstacles in our lives. He designed us for fellowship. He didn't ask us to do it alone. Yes, of course, we need to live out life walking with God, but we need to walk with other Christians as well. So, I'm going to work on honesty and openness with my friends. There is fear in this for me. But, I know it's worth it. :)

Love you ladies!

Kelly

Romance with a Savior

I ended 2009 by reading the Twilight Saga. It awakened in me a deep rooted desire, a desire for romance in my life. It has always been there, but I shrug it off every day and try to go about my daily life, afraid to think of it for too long, for it might pull me under and I might never leave the state of depression awaiting me there. I spent a few weeks in that depression while reading the books and for a while after. I know in my head that the romance in those books are nothing compared to the romance of real life, but my heart longs for it regardless.

I picked up a book a few months ago called, "Settling for Less than God's Best?" I started reading in the other day, and it revealed to me some truth I'd heard before. I can have a perfect romance...with my Savior. Which is funny, because after reading the Twilight Saga, I remember thinking, "No man on Earth can love the way Edward does...well, except for Jesus." But I've always shrugged off this idea too. Isn't he my "Father." That's weird. Besides, He doesn't have real arms to hold me, or real hands to brush my cheek...or does He? But truly, Jesus is the only one who can love me the way I long to be loved. He is the only one who will love me despite my shortcomings, despite my constant rejection of Him, despite my wickedness and shameful displays. So, because He loves me, and I long so much for that deep, meaningful, never-ending perfect love, I have made a decision. I will dive-in, head first into that love, and will do my best to make Jesus my first love.

Jesus, I pray that you give me a heart after your heart. Give me a passion for you so strong that no earthly man will be able to shake it. So that when my earthly husband shows up in my life, I'll be able to hold on tight to you and make the choices you would have me make. Guide me in the areas of my life that need healing and pruning. Give me the strength to come to you instead of run away when I fail. Give me a love so strong for you that I brag about you everywhere I go. I love you Jesus. Thank you for loving me first.